FRIDAY FUN DAY!!!!!! (on saturday)

I was digging up some old essays I turned in for College, ENJOY!!!!!

I recently read an article somewhere that quiche is the seventh most deadly killer in the world taking the life of more the 600,380 people last year alone. I thought to myself, "Why isn't this a bigger news story?" Where is Bono? Where is Kevin Federline? Why aren't they doing anything to stop this epidemic from sweeping the world clean of quiche-loving people?  Then I started to think to myself,

     "Dan why are you doing anything about this? All you ever do is feed the poor, fix cars for single ladies, build wells for third world countries, house illegal chinese immigrants in your basement, research cures for the common cold, volunteer at the local hooters, give free haircut to the homeless (even when they don't want them), and sit on your butt all day!!! Why don't you do anything?"

My feeling of guilt turned into a raging case of diarhea. While sitting on the toilet for 6 hours singing my favorite System of a Down songs, I came up with an idea how we could cure this quiche problem: Tonya Harding!!! She's tough, she's athletic, she's been known to get kicked out of bars for throwing stuff, and she hates faggy dishes of food. She would be perfect. I read the article again one last time to see if it said anything about Tonya Harding and it turns out they weren't talking about quiche at all, they were talking about Car accidents. Turns out quiche was never even mentioned in the article....Who's the goose?